


The More Things Change

by indiefic



Series: Eternal Order [3]
Category: Snowpiercer (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anna Gilliam is an original character based on the MCU's Peggy Carter, Curtis and Anna were together in the back of the train, F/M, Set in 2033, Set two years after the Snowpiercer timeline, mild body horror, the train derailed years earlier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-21
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-18 08:19:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 19,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11870337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indiefic/pseuds/indiefic
Summary: This is one potential sequel to Eternal Order (the other potential sequel being Cheat the Fates.  This story is in a completely different timeline from Cheat the Fates.  They are mutually exclusive.)Curtis and Anna were stuck in the back of the train together from the beginning.  They built a life together.  But twenty years later, they're both so lost.  The annual Gathering, the coming together of most of the remaining humans, is a chance for them to see if there is still a chance for them.





	The More Things Change

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Spootzl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spootzl/gifts).



> Set about two years after the time of the original movie Snowpiercer, though in an alternate timeline where they weren’t all stuck on the train for 17 years. The year is 2033.

**Eighteen Years Later after Eternal Order**

 

“Could you move any fuckin’ slower, Ma?”

Anna spun around.  “I swear to God, Edgar - “

He gave her an impish smile and darted around the corner.  Anna sighed, dragging her hand through her hair, looking at the bag.  Packing.  The eternal struggle.  It felt ridiculous.  The apocalypse happened, and here she was trying to figure out what to pack.  

She turned toward the door, yelling out into the common areas.  “Edgar, make sure Michael has everything ready!”

They were supposed to have left already, but at this time of year, the days were warmer, so Anna wasn’t particularly bothered.  They’d be off soon.  They probably didn’t have to worry about being caught in a storm and freezing to death.   _ Probably _ .  Edgar and Michael had saddled the horses, hardy little beasts with thick coats and nimble feet who were at home in this weather.  The horses, not her sons - though they were fairly at home in this weather as well.  Anna and her sons were headed to The Gathering.  It was exactly what it sounded like.  People, congregating.  

Anna, and the rest of the people on the train, spent two years having Wilford’s propaganda shoved down their throats.  All the while their humanity was stripped away.  Wilford told them that his marvelous engine was humanity’s only salvation.  Anna never saw salvation on that damn train.  She watched so many people die, at the hands of each other, and mindless tragedy.  

She wondered how long it could have gone on.  Forever?  She knew that was Wilford’s plan.  As she learned later, it had also been Father’s plan.  But something changed in Father when he learned that Anna and Curtis were expecting their first biological child.  For some reason, the idea of Anna giving birth, raising her child, in Wilford’s hell, was too much for Father.  He confessed his compliance with Wilford’s plans, and then he helped architect The Grand Revolution.

Wilford’s engine derailed in what had once been Angola.  Father planned it that way, trying to make sure they were as close to the equator as possible.  It wasn’t temperate.  It only got above freezing for a month or two a year, but compared to the polar regions, it was tropical, especially as the nanites began to degrade.  The planet was a bit more habitable with each passing year.

The derailment took so many lives.  But after all the carnage, more than two thousand people, from the tail and the front, walked away from the wreckage.  Those first years were bleak.  Scores more people were lost in the days and weeks immediately after the derailment, victims of the elements.  But eventually they made it to the mines.  

Angola had a lot of mines before the big freeze.  Locals had burrowed deep into the tunnels for shelter.  It worked.  Below ground, away from the nanites, it was warm.  There were thousands of people living there.  They didn’t exactly welcome the train survivors with open arms.  But eventually, Father and McGregor were able to negotiate for admittance.  It hadn’t been easy.  Trying to absorb so many new people nearly led to the starvation of the entire settlement.  There was so much infighting.  The train survivors splintered into multiple factions.  There was violent bloodshed.

Over time, humanity found a sort of equilibrium.  It took years, but they built long-term, sustainable communities.  They had vast hydroponic farms, and some livestock and domesticated animals, dogs and horses.  They built an infrastructure that allowed humans to live, rather than simply surviving.  With scavenged technology, they had further confirmation that Wilford was wrong.  Aside from the mines, there were other human enclaves.  Scattered around the world, pockets of humanity existed below ground, waiting for the thaw.  Outside, there were many animals and plants that not only survived, but thrived in the new landscape.

But humanity, as a species, was still teetering on the edge.  Father estimated there were maybe twenty thousand people alive on the planet.  Humanity tended to segment itself into groups.  Sometimes colonies were a dozen people strong.  Sometimes they numbered near a thousand.  But regardless of a colony’s size or history, once a year, for The Gathering, everyone called a truce.  It was a chance for the groups to co-mingle, for people to find companionship and mates, to barter and trade.  It was how Edgar had met his wife, Nykhor, two years earlier.  

Anna knew that Michael, her younger son, planned to propose to Yona this year.  Yona already lived at Homestead camp, with Michael, and the rest of the family.  But it was traditional to make such overtures at the Gathering.  Anna knew that Michael had already spoken to both Yona and Nam about the engagement.  Michael and Yona were both seventeen.  So damn young.  The same age that Curtis and Anna had been when they got together.  But Michael and Yona were adamant they wanted to be together.  They had spent months scavenging enough metal to cast their own rings.

At the thought, Anna looked at her own finger, now bare.  She hadn’t taken the ring when she left.  Sighing, she picked up the red dress and looked at it.  It had seen better days, but it was still salvageable.  How long had it been since she danced at The Gathering?  Years, at least.  Maybe a decade.  She threw the dress in the bag, having no real idea what she was going to do once she arrived at Horizon Camp.  They were hosting this year.  Curtis and Father had been there for weeks, helping set up, convening councils to negotiate any number of relationships between the two dozen camps that would attend.  

Curtis and Anna were ... estranged, for lack of a better word.  Or as estranged as it was possible to be when you were still forced to interact with each other on a daily basis.  They still helped lead the camp.  They were still both respected elders.  They had each other’s backs publicly.  

But they didn’t share a life.  

And they didn’t share a bed.  Not for more than a year.  

Curtis was very angry about this fact, Anna well knew.  She’d tried several times to kick him out before they separated.  He’d flatly refused to go.  He wouldn’t even fight with her about it.  She was finally the one who left.  

Their children were nearly grown, self-sufficient.  Their fifteen year old daughter, Grace, was the youngest.  She was with Curtis, at Horizon Camp, now.  When Anna walked out it left a deep rift in her relationship with her daughter.  She prayed that over time, they could mend the hurt.

None of the kids were happy with the state of affairs between their parents.  It definitely didn’t help that Curtis made it clear to everyone that the breakup was not something he wanted.  So far Anna hadn’t given Curtis, or anyone else, an official reason for why she left.  Truth was, she didn’t have one.  All she knew was that she couldn’t bear the way things were between them, and she couldn’t pretend.

Edgar poked his head in again.  “You ready yet?”

“I’m ready,” she said.  “Let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

It was a three day trek to Horizon Camp, even with the horses.  Their group was several dozen strong and included Anna’s sons, Edgar and Michael, along with Edgar’s wife, Nykhor, and, Yona and Nam.  Anna’s friend, Tanya, was along as well.  

This was Tanya’s first gathering in years.  Her partner had died two winters ago, leaving Tanya a single parent.  Tanya said she finally felt like she was at a point that she could think about finding someone new.  Anna knew that Tanya felt mercenary about it.  But the truth was, with so few humans, it was survival of the species.  Tanya had a young son, Timmy, and they were barely scraping by.  Anna knew Tanya was hoping that she could find another partner with small children who needed a helpmate.  Not exactly wild romance, but in these situations, people tended to go with anything that worked.  

It made Anna realize how unique her own situation was.  Anna hadn’t been forced to find another person to share the burden.  Curtis worked with her.  Even separated, they shared their duties and responsibilities.  (Though she knew that wasn’t a completely altruistic move on Curtis’s part.)  Anna didn’t need to find a new mate, which she suspected was a huge part of why Curtis was as accommodating as he was.  He had no desire to push her into someone else’s arms.

But Anna was curious as to what was out there.  

She wasn’t ready to become one of the old women who read futures in animal bones at the Gathering, respected and feared, but forever alone.

 

* * *

 

“Oh my God,” Tanya said, pulling her scarf down as she looked at the sea of people and animals spread out before them.  

“Welcome to The Gathering,” Anna said, giving her shaggy horse a sharp kick to start him on the winding path down into the valley.  Horizon camp was nestled between two enormous bluffs.  The camp itself was a warren of tunnels and caves, hollowed out of the bluff’s solid rock.  But as was custom, the Gathering wouldn’t take place inside the host camp itself.  Instead, it was erected in the valley, a short distance from the camp.  

There was a vast sea of tents, mostly made of layer upon layer of heavy canvas and durable waterproof material.  The larger tents bore the insignia of the various camps they housed.  The camp tents were at the north end.  They were big enough to accommodate the dozens upon dozens of people who attended.  Predictably, the closer the camps were geographically, to the Gathering site, the more people they brought, and the bigger their tents were.  Homestead camp, Anna and Curtis’s camp, had one of the larger tents.  

South of the camp tents was the enormous Gathering tent.  It was cobbled together with supplies from all of the attending camps and it was large enough to accommodate everyone in attendance.  It was where the feasts and festivities would be held as the Gathering progressed.

Ringing the outside of the Gathering tent was the market.  There were multitudes of little stalls with people trading their wares.  You could find everything from spices to precious metals to domesticated animals to craftspeople.  Anna could hardly wait to look around.

And then finally, on the south end of the camp, were scores of small tents.  They were there for the sole purpose of allowing people the privacy and opportunity to get to know one another, intimately.  Many matches were made at the Gathering.  And even if it wasn’t a match, there was a lot of temporary companionship to be found.  Anna had never visited one of the small tents, she’d never had reason to.  Established couples laid together in the big tents, same as they did back home.  But Anna was open to the possibility of visiting one of the little tents this year.

Forcing her attention back to the task at hand, Anna made her way toward the Homestead tent.   There was a rough corral set up near the tent.  Anna dismounted and handed her horse’s reins to Andrew, who greeted her with a nod.  She waited as the rest of the group did the same.  Then, she took her bags and walked into the Homestead tent.  

She was still looking around, trying to get her bearings when she saw Judith, one of the women from camp.  Anna hugged her tightly.  “Come along,” Judith said, smiling.  “I’ll show you where your family is staying.”

Anna frowned, knowing Judith was leading her to the area of the tent where Curtis was staying.  That’s just how it was.  In the mind of Homestead camp, she and Curtis were family, and would probably always be that way.  Truthfully, Anna didn’t have any compelling reason for avoiding Curtis, especially here.  Even inside the Homestead tent, there was safety in numbers.  And, as always, there was safety to be found at Curtis’s side.

Judith led them to a small area, segmented off with sheets of canvas.  There were a dozen pallets.  Anna recognized Father’s, Curtis’s and Grace’s bags on sight.  She took the pallet between Curtis and Grace, knowing that Michael wasn’t going to take it.  He was well aware that his father snored.  And Anna wouldn’t wish that on anyone, especially Tanya, who would be too polite to complain.  Anna threw down her pack and resolved to get along with Curtis as best she could.  

Nykhor and Edgar took pallets next to each other, consolidating them into one big pallet as was customary for bonded couples.  Then Anna watched as Nam pointedly took the pallet between Michael and Yona, which led to a lot of yearning looks between the lovebirds.  Anna forced herself not to roll her eyes.  It took considerable effort.  Tanya was the last to choose a spot, near the edge of the group.  It would afford her the most privacy.

* * *

 

Anna was walking around outside, trying to get the lay of the land when she spotted Curtis.  She recognized the scarf wrapped around his head.  She’d knitted it for him years ago.  It needed to be burned, but he refused to part with it.  Between the scarf, the dark goggles he wore, and his ridiculous beard, very little of him was visible.  He was standing across the open area, between the camp tents and the market.  The space was dotted with fires.  There were dozens of people warming themselves, sharing meals, talking, negotiating.  

Curtis saw her too.  She watched as he extricated himself from the conversation he was having, walking to her.  He looked down at her, his chapped lips pursed tightly together.  “How was the trip?”

“Good,” she said, hating how awkward it was talking to him.  “Quick.  No problems.”

He nodded.

“How have the negotiations gone?”

He shrugged, frowning.  “Franco tried to short us on the seeds, but we finally reached an agreement.”

Anna didn’t say anything.  But she wondered if the negotiations had involved knives.  She knew Curtis hated Franco, the leader of the Velt camp.  He’d been one of Wilford’s biggest cronies at the head of the train.  She knew Curtis was still looking for an excuse to shank him when no one was looking.

Anna stamped her feet, trying to get the blood moving.  “Where’s Father?”

“He’s in the Juke tent,” Curtis said, nodding to the tent next to the Homestead tent.  ”Shooting the shit with Harris.”

Anna suppressed a sigh.  When Father and Harris got together, they could talk for days.  She looked up at Curtis and nodded to the Homestead tent.  He followed.  As they entered the tent, they unwound their various scarves.  Anna removed her gloves.  There was a large fire at the very center of the tent, with a hole overhead for venting.  There weren’t many people in the tent.  Most were outside visiting and bartering, like Tanya and the rest had done.  Anna took a seat on one of the logs near the fire.  Curtis did as well, sitting close, but not too close.

She looked at him.  His hair was absurdly too long.  It had been for quite a while.  But now, sections of it were braided.  Anna assumed that Grace was probably responsible for that.  Anna managed to prevent herself from sighing in irritation.  His hair, braids and all, was tied back in a messy knot.  His beard needed to be trimmed.  He looked like a grizzly.  Curtis had grown significantly since their first meeting, so many years ago on the train. He probably wasn’t any taller, but he was definitely heavier.  She knew his body was thickly muscled, his chest covered with dark hair.  Not that she’d seen it recently.  But she knew his body like she knew her own.  

She thought back to when she’d first met him, that horrible day when she tore Edgar out of his arms. It had been the worst possible situation.  She saw the horrors Curtis was capable of.  But, afterward, she saw his sacrifice.  His remorse.  She was attracted to him, then, emotionally as well as physically.  He had a good heart.  He was cute.  He’d been fit, but lanky.  He still had spots, a boy in so many ways.  

It was hard to look at Curtis now and see that boy in the man before her.  She remembered what he looked liked, mostly because Michael resembled him so closely.  She hadn’t seen Curtis without a beard for years.  His hair was graying at the temples, and the corners of his eyes and his forehead were starting to crease with lines.  If anything, he was more attractive now than he’d been when they first met.  Damn him.

She looked away.  “How has Grace been?”

“Okay,” he said tightly.  “One of Hopper’s boys, from Camp Three, has been spending a lot of time with her.”

Anna arched an eyebrow.  “Courting?”

Curtis grunted noncommittally, frowning.  She knew he thought Grace was too young.  And he had a point.  Anna knew very well what could happen when people got involved so very young.

He shifted uneasily on the log and said, “I was surprised to see Tanya.”

Nodding, Anna said, “She’s looking for a new partner.  She needs help raising Timmy.  I don’t know how determined she is.”

“Is she wanting to leave Homestead?” he asked.  When young couples joined households for the first time, there were complex negotiations and social rituals.  In the case of people who lost their mates and found new ones, it was significantly more relaxed.  It could be arranged however was most convenient.  If a couple simply broke up, the half of the couple who wanted to find a new mate typically had to go.  The camps were too small to bring in a new person and potentially create a triangle.  No one had the time for that kind of distraction.

“I don’t think she wants to leave camp,” Anna said.  “It will all depend on whether or not she can find someone.  There’s no way of knowing what situation might work best.”

They were both silent for a long time.  Curtis threaded his fingers together, leaning forward, staring into the flames.  “And you?” he asked tightly.  “Are you looking for a new partner?”  He turned his head and met her gaze, his eyes narrowed, lips pursed into a thin line.

She held his gaze evenly.  “I don’t know,” she said, being completely honest.  “I’m looking for ... something.  I’m not sure what it is.”

She could see the muscles in his jaw stand out.  He was angry.  He didn’t like her answer.  But that wasn’t her problem.

 

* * *

 

Anna was lonely.  Not that she was ever really alone.  Even with so few humans in the world, they tended to congregate together so closely that she was almost never actually alone.

But she was lonely.  She had been for a very long time.

Anna missed intimacy, both emotional and physical. She’d trade two laying hens for a decent orgasm that wasn’t complements of her own fingers.  She and Curtis had been separated for a long time, and during that time, she’d been alone.  She hadn’t sought out physical companionship back at Homestead camp.  She’d known everyone there for years, which was its own kind of deterrent.  And even if she was physically attracted to someone, she just couldn’t.  It would be an unmitigated disaster to start something right under Curtis’s nose.  In theory, Anna was free to do whatever she wanted.  In practice, she’d rather not start a war in confined quarters.  Not that she thought Curtis would do anything violent.  But he would be angry.  And hurt.  _  Fuck _ .  He looked like a beaten dog enough as it was.  Even she wasn’t cruel enough to have an affair, with someone else, in view of Curtis.  She knew how he still felt.  He made that very clear.

But now she was at the Gathering, and that led to opportunities that otherwise would not exist.  Anna wasn’t exactly on the prowl, but she paid a lot of attention.  She, Yona, Nykhor, and Tanya were working their way around the market.  Some of the handicrafts were divine.  There was jewelry of gold, silver, and precious stones.  She found a stall with different types of yarn and knitted items.  There were tattoo artists, and people who specialized in intricate hair braiding.  (Anna assumed that’s where Grace must have gotten the idea to do that to Curtis’s hair.)  There was every type of food Anna could imagine, and several that left her baffled.  There were three different blacksmiths, all with their wares and skills on display.  She looked at the sets of tools, thinking how useful they would be to Curtis.

She had to remind herself that she wasn’t shopping for Curtis.

“Anna?”

Anna turned, looking at the stall, heaped with heavy leather gloves and coats.  She smiled broadly at the vendor.  “Landon.”

She walked over to him and they grasped hands briefly.  She’d known Landon Quinn for years.  He lived at Horizon camp and they had often bartered in the past.  Landon was a good man, kind and fair.  Anna knew he had lost his wife three years ago.  He’d forgone the Gathering for several years and she was glad to see him participating.  He looked well.  He was incredibly tall, and lean, with close cropped reddish blond hair.  His eyes were the lightest blue she had ever seen, and they sparkled with mirth and crinkled at the corners.  

Anna and Landon had been chatting for a long time when someone grabbed Anna’s arm and yanked.  Anna twisted, looking at her daughter.  “What?”

“I need to talk to you,” Grace said sullenly.

Anna made her apologies to Landon and followed Grace into the large Gathering tent.  There were people milling around, sharing food and ale, but it was far from crowded.  “Yes?” Anna said, unwinding her scarf.

Grace sighed dramatically, pulling off her hat.  Anna took note of the fact that Grace had obviously visited one of the artists who specialized in hair since she arrived at the Gathering.  Her hair couldn’t have been more than a couple of inches long, sticking up in uneven spikes.  Anna frowned, thinking how much Grace looked like Curtis.

“You have to talk to Dad.”

Anna crossed her arms over her chest.  “Is this about Hopper’s boy?”

Grace’s cheeks colored with a blush and she said, “Devon.  Yes.”

“Grace,” Anna said quietly, “you’re so young.”

Anger flared in Grace’s eyes.  “You were young too when you and Dad got together.”

“Yes, well,” Anna conceded, “we weren’t quite as young as you.”

Growling, Grace stalked away.

 

* * *

 

It was dark when Anna and Tanya made their way to the Gathering tent.  Yona and Nykhor had left earlier, to find their respective mates.  There was an enormous feast in progress.  Anna and Tanya took a seat with other people from the Homestead camp, but Anna was relieved to see that the groups intermingled freely.  Edgar and Nykhor were talking with a group of people from the Horizon camp.  Anna saw that Grace was curled up against some boy, presumably Hopper’s son, Devon.  He was a cute kid, but he looked so young.  Anna made a mental note to find Hopper later and talk to him.

Juke camp specialized in producing alcohol of various kinds and they’d gone all out for the Gathering.  Anna had a mug of absolutely divine ale, and Tanya had a small cup of brandy, which she shared with Anna and Yona.

By the time Anna was full, she was fairly tipsy as well.  Tanya was too, and Anna was relieved to see her laughing and smiling.  Yona was busy talking to Michael, so Anna pulled Tanya along with her as they made their way around the room, stopping to talk to people Anna knew.  Having been a camp leader for so long, Anna knew a lot of people.  Tanya’s life had been much more insular, so Anna figured that making a number of introductions would not be amiss.

They ran into Landon again who ended up following them back to their seats and chatting with the group for several hours.  Anna was aware of Curtis moving along the periphery of the group.  Like her, he knew almost everyone present as well.  

Anna noticed Fisher, a stunning redhead from the Serrin camp, paying quite a bit of attention to Curtis.  Anna hated that it bothered her, but it did.  Somehow in all her contemplation of finding a new partner for herself, she’d never considered that Curtis might find someone new.  She supposed it was only fair.  Even if she did hate it.

The night wore on, and Anna made to leave.  After so many years, she knew that the Gathering was a test of endurance.  And staying up all night the opening night wouldn’t do her any favors.  As she left, Yona and Tanya came with her.  Edgar and Nykhor followed closely.  Anna looped one of her arms through Father’s and made his farewells for him, dragging him toward the exit.  Left to his own devices, he’d talk all night.  His health was somewhat precarious and Anna knew he needed rest.  As they started to the Homestead tent, she was aware of Curtis, Nam, Michael, and Grey trailing at the back of their little group.

It took a while to get everyone settled.  Anna looked pointedly at Grace’s empty pallet and then over to Curtis.  He nodded and left without a word.  Everyone was mostly settled when Curtis returned with a sullen Grace in tow.

Finally, everyone was settled.  There was still raucous noise outside, though it seemed to be tapering off as the night got colder.  Anna could hear other Homesteaders returning to the tent and bedding down for the night.  Anna lay there in the dark, mere inches from Curtis.  She hadn’t been this close to him in more than a year.  It was strange, but she had little choice.

 

* * *

 

Hopper frowned as he looked up and saw Anna, but he didn’t seem shocked.  Without a word, he pulled open the flap of the Camp Three tent and held it for her.  She entered.  The inside was configured slightly differently from the Homestead tent, but not much.  

Hopper led the way to the fire at the center of the tent.  Anna followed.  Hopper was a big guy, taller and broader than Curtis, but older and softer too.  His dark hair was receding and his beard was mostly gray.  As far as Anna knew, Hopper’d had two wives.  He and his first wife had been on the train with four or five kids.  Anna had vague memories of them, crammed in the Tail with everyone else.  His wife left him and the kids, about the same time that the train survivors started splintering into factions.  Hopper found a new partner, with kids of her own, and then they had several more together.  Anna had no idea how many children he actually had, but a lot.  He could probably field his own baseball team.  If you included his grandchildren, he could probably field three teams.

There were women and small children milling around the interior of the tent.  Anna recognized some of them as the wives of Hopper’s elder sons.  Anna took a deep breath and reminded herself that humanity was spinning on the brink of extinction.  People did whatever they had to do in order to survive.  Hopper was a good man, by current standards.  He made sure his family was protected and provided for.  But she knew that he had a bias toward his sons.  They were more highly valued than his daughters.  And the wives of his sons seemed like little more than maids, nannies, and broodmares.  

Hopper provided safety.  No one starved.  Everyone was looked after.  But some people were certainly more equal than others.

Anna took a seat on a stump.  Hopper took a pouch out of his pocket and rolled a cigarette for himself.  Anna had no idea if it was tobacco or something else, but she watched as he lit it and took a drag.  

He looked over at her.  “Curtis already came to talk to me.”

Anna nodded.  “Did he say anything, or just threaten?”

Hopper laughed.  “Mostly he threatened.  Not that I blame him. I have two girls that age.  You have to look out for them.  But Devon is a good boy.”

“Yes, well,” Anna said pointedly, “Grace has more courage than sense, and a mind of her own.”

Hopper narrowed his eyes and nodded.  Anna could almost feel him weighing whether he thought Grace was going to birth enough grandsons to be worth the headache she would doubtless be.  Not to mention her pushy parents, and mouthy mother.  “I talked to Devon,” he said, “but I’ll talk to him again.”

“I appreciate it,” Anna said.  She stood and made her way to the entrance.  She carefully wound her scarves around her face and pulled her hood down over her head.  She pulled on her gloves.  As she slipped outside, she could still feel the biting cold.

She walked around the market again.  It seemed like the wares in the booths were forever changing.  She took time to marvel at the goods.  She stopped near the edge of the bonfires, searching for Father, hoping she wouldn’t see him.  She prayed he had the sense to be inside one of the tents, out of the weather.

Anna didn’t see Father.  But she did find a familiar face.  She saw Curtis at one of the fires.  He was with several of the leaders from Serrin camp.  Nam and Andrew were with him, along with Andrew’s son, Andy.  And Fisher was there.  She was sitting next to Curtis, turned toward him, watching him intently as he spoke.  Anna could feel herself frowning behind her scarves.  She forced herself to turn away.

 

* * *

 

“Here you are,” Tanya said, taking a seat on the bench.  Anna was sitting with Father, and had been for hours.  He’d been holding court, and she’d kept him company, along with Grey, who was often at Father’s side.

Anna smiled and patted Tanya’s arm. 

Tanya gave her a look.  “Oh, I see.  You’ve been in the spirits again.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Anna said.

Tanya didn’t look convinced, but rather than argue, she merely went and got bowls of soup for everyone.  As the evening wore on, more people joined them.  Yona and Michael took seats on the opposite side of the circle and Landon sat on the ground between Anna and Tanya.  They all talked.  Anna and Landon flirted.  There was more touching than was strictly necessary, and a lot of laughing.

Anna knew she was playing with fire.  She was lonely and longing.  She wanted to get laid.  She was still fuming about Fisher hanging on Curtis earlier, even though she knew it was ridiculous.  Anna was done with Curtis.  At least that’s what she told herself.  She wanted someone new, something new.

_ Fuck _ .  That’s all she wanted.  A decent fuck.

Anna knew that Landon was taken with her.  She had no idea what his intentions were, but she could guess.  He was a solid guy, who had been without a partner for several seasons.  It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he why he spent so much time at their fire.  Odds were that it wasn’t for a quickie in one of the little tents.

As she started to sober up, it all began to feel like too much.  “I need some air,” she said, mostly to Tanya.

Tanya caught her hand, but Anna shrugged her off, heading for the entrance to the tent.

People were coming and going in droves.  It was a novelty for there to be a crowd large enough to get lost in, for there to be actual strangers.  Most faces were familiar, even if Anna didn’t know their names.  She pulled her scarf around her face and stumbled out into the market.

The air was bracing and biting and cleared her head a bit.  There were lots of people out here as well.  The pathways were lit with torches, and vendors were still out, though most of the open stalls had food and drink, and more adult items.

Anna was standing in front of a stall, looking at a pair of honest to god satin pants, when she became aware of someone standing at her side.  She looked up at him and he smiled down at her.  She didn’t know his name, but she’d seen him around.  He was from one of the small camps.  He was young, but probably a good five years older than Edgar.  He was tall and thin, with a smattering of facial hair and eyes so dark they looked black in the torchlight.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi.”

 

* * *

 

It’s had been a while since she was last intimate, but it was decades since she had a new partner.  And honestly, this clandestine encounter wasn’t what Anna expected.  Not that she really knew what to expect.  But this overeager boy trying to ram his tongue down her throat was far from enjoyable.  She pushed at his chest with increasing force until he finally got the hint and pulled back.  He was breathing hard, bright spots of color on his cheeks and he looked very pleased.  She honestly had no idea why.

He leaned in again and she resigned herself to it.  She tried to gentle him, to coax some technique out of his enthusiasm, but it was a lost cause.  When his hands started roaming, pawing her through her coat, she pushed him away again.  He seemed to think it was some game and pressed in harder. 

She shoved him.  He took a stumbling half step backwards, blinking at her, his brow furrowed.  

“Stop,” she said in a tone usually reserved for Council meetings.

He blinked at her and then frowned, shaking his head in disappointment, pride stung.  Cursing under his breath, he turned away.  

Anna stood there for a moment, trying to take stock of herself.  She righted her coat and unwound her scarf with the intention of fixing it.  Something caught her eye and she stopped, looking at Curtis, standing on the far side of the path.

Anna groaned inwardly.  Of all the people who could have possibly witnessed that, Curtis was the absolute worst choice.  He walked over to her, shaking his head.  She was standing between two of the stalls, out of the wind, and mostly in shadow.  It wasn’t the best hiding place, but at least they weren’t completely on display.

“So that’s what you’re into now?” he asked, staring down at her.

She ignored him, concentrating on her scarf.  “And how is Fisher this evening?  She seems quite taken with you.”

“At least Fisher’s my age.”

She glared up at him.

He didn’t back down.  His pride had been stung, grievously so.  “That’s what you left me for?  Back alley quickies with little boys?” he asked, leaning in toward her, bracing his hands on the rough wooden planks on either side of her head, looming over her.  

He was so close she could clearly see the muscles in his jaw standing out.  His words were angry, skirting along the edge of insulting, but she knew it was jealousy, insecurity.  He looked down at her, flinching like he was bracing himself to get hit.  

She understood.  Her normal reaction to being baited in this manner would be to sock him in the mouth as hard as she could.  She’d done it before.

But right then, hitting him wasn’t at the top of her list.  

She ... yearned.  Whatever spark of longing prompted to give that boy a try, it burned ever brighter with Curtis’s proximity.

He seemed to read the change in her expression and he reacted quickly.  His stance became both more predatory and more protective.  He twisted slightly, so his body blocked the view of anyone who might walk by.  Swearing under his breath (she wasn’t sure if it was a curse or a prayer) he ducked his head, kissing her hard, pressing her back against the side of the stall.  

She was overwhelmed, shaken ... relieved.   _ This _ is what she wanted.  This is what she was looking for.  To be kissed by someone who knew what the hell they were doing, who knew what she liked.  She pulled at him, and he growled, pressing into her harder.

Her hands found their way to the closures of his coat, but, unexpectedly, he pulled away.  For a moment, she was bewildered, bereft.  Then he was dragging her along behind him, pulling her down the path toward the sea of little tents.  There was absolutely no mistaking what his intentions were and she could have wept with relief.  She could feel the beat of her pulse thrumming through her entire body with each step.

He found an empty tent and pulled her inside.  As he secured the tent closed, she was stripping out of her coat and pants, kicking away her boots.  It was very dim in the tent.  The torches burning outside gave barely enough light to see the vague shape of his outline.  But she could see him struggling to get free of his own coat.  

She reached for him and he lunged toward her, kissing her again, biting at her lips, like he was trying to seal the deal before she could reconsider.  As if she was going to do that.  She tugged at his shirts, pulling them over his head, fighting to get at his skin.  He was finally bare and she pulled him close, scratching her nails down his back.  Fuck.  She loved the smell of him, the feel of him against her.  His hands on her were rough, insistent, and it was exactly what she wanted.

He urged her onto her back, and she dragged him over her for a moment.  He was trying to pull away, and she bit his shoulder, hard.  He cursed.  She wondered if he would stop her.  It had never been like this between them, never so raw.  But he seemed to want it as much as her.  

He growled, grabbing her hands, pinning them to the ground on either side of her hips.  He managed to shove her long shirt up until she was bare and then he worked his way down her body.  Finally, his mouth was there, hot and wet between her legs.  She shivered, her back arching as she pulled her knees up and apart, giving him more room.  He released her hands, instead grabbing her hips, his fingers biting deeply into her as he licked and sucked at her.

She was already on edge, so keyed up, and Curtis had always been good at this.  In no time, she was gasping, coming, tugging his hair.  

“Jesus Christ, Anna. Horny?”  He sounded ridiculously pleased with himself.

“Shut up and fuck me,” she snapped.

He laughed, but ducked his head, licking her again.  “Like this?”

She groaned, rolling her hips.

He didn’t tease.  As obvious as her own sexual frustration was, his wasn’t any better.  Anna bit down on her bottom lip, screwing her eyes shut as he worried her clit with his tongue, using two fingers to stroke inside her.  Her breath caught and she braced one of her feet on his shoulder, arching her hips against his mouth.  He gave her exactly what she wanted, bring her to another hot, shuddering peak.

She was boneless, lying in the pile of furs, listening to Curtis stripping out of his clothes.  As soon as he was bare, she reached for him, stroking her fingers lightly over his rigid length.  She heard his breath catch and his muscles corded.  She pushed herself up into a sitting position, nipping at his jaw.

“Seems like I’m not the only one who wants this.”

She could hear him swallow thickly.  “Yeah, well - “

She ducked her head, taking him into her mouth and whatever he had been planning to say died with a gasp.  She worked him over with her hand and mouth, stroking, sucking, licking.  She could hear his ragged breathing, feel his fingers tangled in her hair.  She knew he was close, but with a sudden movement, he pulled away.

“No.”

Before she could protest or question, he was grabbing her hips, turning her so she was on all fours, facing away from him.  

“I want to come inside you.”

He moved behind her, shoving at her knees with his own, forcing her stance wider.  And then he was pushing into her, making her gasp.  

He went still for a moment.  “Fucking hell.”

She tightened around him, rolling her hips and pushing back against him, taking him deeper.  His breath caught sharply and he leaned forward, blanketing her back with his body.  He nipped along her shoulder as one of his hand reached around and rubbed her in time with his thrusts.  Helpless, she whimpered, pushing back against him.  

“Yes, Anna, yes, fuck,” he said and then grunted, driving into her before going still.  

Several long moments later, he took a deep shuddering breath and pressed a hard kiss to the side of her neck.  He was too heavy and her arms were shaking.  She slowly slid to the ground, dislodging him in the process.  

She moved to roll away from him, but he immediately dragged her close again, sucking at her neck.  He used his fingers, whispering the filthiest words to her, making her shiver.  He told her every dirty thing he’d imagined during the time they’d been apart.  She always knew he was creative, but jesus.  She clawed at his arm, keening as her release washed over her.

They lay there in the dark for a long time, not really moving.  They weren’t situated particularly close together, but the tent was small and his arm was thrown around her waist.   Anna knew she was going to have love bites on her neck, and an actual bite on her shoulder, which stung like hell.  She felt shaky, exhausted, in the best possible way.  Mostly, she just wanted to go to sleep, but that wasn’t really an option.  Anna wasn’t entirely certain what just happened between her and Curtis, but she had no desire to make it public.  And if they spent the night in the tent, everyone would know.

In the dark, she searched for her clothes, pulling them on.  She was surprised he wasn’t already asleep.  Usually he was out like a light when he got off.  She knew he was awake from the sound of his breathing.  Anna knew all of Curtis’s idiosyncrasies and that was not what he sounded like when he was asleep.  He was lying there in the dark, watching her as much as he could.  

She pulled on her boots and pushed through the tent flap without another backward glance.  She wondered if he would stay there, or if he would go back to the Gathering tent and search out Fisher.  The thought of that made her blood boil.

Anna headed for Homestead tent, entering as quietly as she could manage.  Last night’s festivities must have been too much for a lot of people.  Despite the fact that it wasn’t terribly late, a lot of the pallets were full.  People had called it an early night.  Edgar and Nykhor were curled together.  Anna could make out Tanya’s shape, and Grace’s.  In the dark, Anna searched for her small bag and then walked back out to the center of camp, to the women’s bathhouse.  The wind had picked up and it was biting cold.

There were a couple of women in the bathhouse.  Anna didn’t recognize either of them.  She glanced in the lone mirror.  She was a mess.  Her hair was askew, her color high, lips swollen.  She pulled down the edge of her scarf and frowned at the lovebites.  They would be worse tomorrow.

Carefully, she stripped off and washed herself, thankful that at least she doesn’t have to worry about birth control.  She’d been pregnant, not long after Grace was born.  But she lost the baby late in the pregnancy.  She assumed there must have been too much damage.  She and Curtis tried for years afterward, to no avail.  Anna couldn’t have more children.  She never thought she’d see that as a blessing, but tonight she certainly did.

By the time she made her way back to Homestead tent, Curtis was lying in his own pallet, next to hers.  It was dark and they didn’t speak, but she had the sense he was pleased when she sank down onto her pallet next to him.

 

* * *

 

Anna woke up slowly, shivering with delight, pressing closer to him in search of more warmth.  It took her a moment to realize that she should have been alone.  She knew, without opening her eyes, that she was pressed against Curtis, his arm wrapped around her waist.  Sighing, she opened her eyes and pushed herself up on her elbow.  It was cold.  She could easily see her breath.  She had no doubt that during the night, she’d scooted closer to Curtis for warmth.  A lifetime of habits were hard to break, especially when she was still sore from their enthusiastic coupling.

Anna made sure to be gone before Curtis roused.  She really didn’t want to think about what last night might possibly mean for future awkwardness between them.  He hadn’t said anything at all last night, and she was grateful.  

The sex had been different.  It wasn’t that they’d never been enthusiastic before, but it had certainly been a while.  And it had never been quite that raw, as if all their jealousy, anger, and hurt had finally been given an outlet.

Anna knew that sleeping with her ex, especially at the Gathering, wasn’t a great idea.  But Curtis was good in bed.  And for as much baggage as he brought to things, there was so much less negotiation necessary.  He already knew where to touch her and how.  And, as much as it galled her to admit, she trusted Curtis in a way she could never trust some random stranger.  Anna was all for sexual freedom and assertiveness.  But she knew that feeling some measure of safety was necessary for her to really enjoy sex.  Curtis was a shortcut.  He was easy.  And he knew how to get her off.

Anna knew that she could eventually find companionship with someone else.  But it would take time and effort.  Truth told, Anna had no idea how to even begin to find a new partner.

Anna and Curtis had never courted, never flirted.  They’d been thrown into the rattling hell together.  They’d barely said a civil word to each other when Anna decided she wanted Curtis, and took him.  To this day, she still didn’t know why she chose him, especially after everything that happened with Edgar.

But she chose Curtis.  And, even now, after everything that had happened between them, she didn’t regret that decision.  Curtis never complained, never balked.  She led and he followed without question.  They became parents to Edgar.  And then Anna fell pregnant.  They’d still been trying to eek out an existence in the Homestead mines when Michael was born.  A couple of years later they had Grace.  And then the baby they lost.  Ten years of Anna’s life was gone in the blink of an eye.  She and Curtis had mouths to feed, people to care for.  Their own children, as well as the camp itself.  

But one day it had all been too much for Anna.  She’d been drowning.  She couldn’t do it.  She couldn’t keep living the strange half life she’d found herself trapped in.  So she left.  Not that she went far.  In physical terms, she slept around the corner from Curtis every night.

The space seemed like a relief at first, despite how it wounded Curtis and the children (and Father too, though he tactfully refrained from saying much.)  The separation gave Anna the time she’d never had to figure out who she was - figure out what she wanted.  It also hurt.  And she thought maybe that was part of the appeal.  The sadness, the guilt.  All of that followed her when she left Curtis.  It wasn’t him.  It was her.  She knew that.

Curtis knew it too.  That was the kicker.  He understood the darkness inside her, and he’d never turned away from it.  He’d never blamed her for the sadness and anger she couldn’t control.  But she blamed him.  She knew that was fucked up, but it was how it was.

Ann knew that rekindling a relationship, even a purely physical one, with Curtis was loaded.  She understood that it could never be casual between them.  They knew each other too well.

Then and there, Anna made a promise to herself that it wouldn’t happen again.  

She would not sleep with Curtis again.

 

* * *

 

“Fuck, Curtis,” she hissed, scratching her nails down his chest as she rode him through her orgasm.  His fingertips dug into her hips, keeping her moving.  They were both covered in sweat.  It was the middle of the goddamn day and they were screwing in one of the little tents like a couple of horny teenagers.

Both of them had places to be, things to do.  And here they were, banging each other’s brains out.  And now it, was light, they could see each other, watch each other’s reactions.

His teeth were bared in a grimace, his brow furrowed in concentration.  If she didn’t know better, she would think he was in pain.  But she knew that wasn’t the case.

She raked her hair back from her face, looking down at him as she bit down on her bottom lip.  “Come for me, Curtis,” she said as she moved on him.  His throat moved as he swallowed, watching her closely.  “Come inside me.”

He groaned, hissing through his teeth, slamming her hips down against him.

She sat there for a moment, catching her breath and then slumped over to the side, coming to rest on her back next to him.  They both stared at the top of the tent.  He turned and she knew he was looking at her, but she refused to look at him.  

She heard him open his mouth.  “Don’t say anything,” she snapped.  She looked at him.  He closed his mouth, but then leaned over and kissed her, hard.  She kissed him back, biting at his lips.  

She finally pulled away.  She couldn’t look at him.  Cursing under her breath, she grabbed her clothes and started pulling them on.

 

* * *

 

She stopped by the bathhouse again, to clean up.  She took some care to arrange her scarf to cover the lovebites, both old and new.  Luckily everyone wore thick scarves, inside and out.  

She headed for the Gathering tent and quickly found Tanya.  The eternal pot of stew, as Father called it, was warming over the fire, as usual, and Anna scooped herself a bowl.  She was starving.  She took a seat at a table next to Tanya, who narrowed her eyes at her, but didn’t say anything.

Anna blew on her spoon of stew.  “How are you liking the Gathering?”

“Oh, I’m liking it just fine,” Tanya said, giving Anna a sidelong look.  “How are you liking it?”

Anna didn’t miss the censure in Tanya’s tone.  She pursed her lips together.

Tanya leaned in closer.  “I thought you were supposed to be looking for a  _ new _ partner,” she whispered, “not screwing the hell out of your ex in those dirty little sex tents out there.”

Anna groaned and took a bite of stew, to spare herself having to respond.

“Do you have any idea how unhygienic those tents are?” Tanya demanded.  “You’re going to end up catching crabs.”

“Do you even remember the train?” Anna asked around a bite of food.  She rolled her eyes.  “Crabs are the least of my worries.”

Tanya crossed her arms over her chest and frowned.  “You should be worried about Curtis,” she said flatly.  “You may be blowing off steam, but that boy doesn’t have a clue how to have casual sex with you.  He can’t play whatever game it is you’re trying to play.”

Anna set her bowl down on the table with a clang.  She’d spent nearly two decades with Curtis.  They had three children together.  She sure as hell didn’t need anybody trying to tell her about him.  “He’s not a child,” she snapped.  “He knows what he’s getting into.”

Tanya, undaunted, leaned in close. “He  _ loves _ you,” she said tautly.  She frowned.  “And you’re still as confused as you’ve ever been.  Like a dog in a manger.”

“I’ve never understood what that damn saying means,” Anna swore petulantly.

“It means you don’t want him, but you don’t want anybody else to have him either.  You were fine minding your own business until Fisher started sniffing around him.  You’re worse than a goddamn tomcat marking territory.”

Anna picked up her bowl and started shoveling down the contents.  She wasn’t about to sit there for a lecture.  As soon as the bowl was empty, she stood up and walked over, handing it to the young boys who were washing up.  She wrapped the scarf around her head again and stormed out of the tent.

Part of her understood that Tanya had a point.  But most of her was seriously pissed at Tanya for butting into her business.  It was absolutely no concern of anyone’s whether or not she and Curtis were having sex.  They were adults.  They could do whatever they damn well pleased without having to ask anyone.

Anna was charging around, mostly without a purpose.  She had vague notions about finding Fisher, but realized she was mostly just walking in really fast circles around the outside of the gathering tent.  Feeling ridiculous, she slowed to a much more sedate pace.  Her initial seething rage was receding, but she was still angry.  And embarrassed.  And more than a little shamed.

“Anna!”

Anna turned and saw Landon.  She forced a smile.  He waved her over and she shook her head.  He didn’t take the hint.  He left his stall and hurried over to her.  He took her hands in his.  “You look lost.”

“Not lost,” she assured him.

“Come,” he said, “have a drink with me.”

“I - “ she started, looking around, trying to get away.

“Come on,” he cajoled.

She relented, letting him lead her back to his stall.  He situated her under a mound of blankets and furs, and then he went to procure drinks.  The sun was setting and it was getting considerably colder.  But the stall cut the wind and the blankets were warm.  

Landon returned in short order and pressed one of the mugs into her hand.  It was warm.  She could feel it even through her gloves.  She put her face over the mug and inhaled the steam.  There was honey and some kind of citrus, probably from dried fruit.  She took a sip.  There was quite a bit of alcohol, none too smooth.  But it was warm and spiced and exactly what she wanted.

She and Landon talked for a long time, about everything and nothing.  He was a widower.  He and his wife hadn’t been blessed with children, but he asked after Anna’s.  She was probably a bit liberal in sharing her frustrations with Grace.

The customers were tapering off and Landon was packing up his wares.  Anna helped, and then they carried the crates back to the caves that Horizon camp used for shelter.  It wasn’t Landon’s home, but it was where he stored the items for his stall.  

There weren’t many people in the Horizon caves.  Most of them had gone to the Gathering tent for the nightly feast.  Landon led her over to the fire that burned in a vented alcove.

“So,” he said, bobbing his head, looking at her shyly.  

“So?” she prompted.

He gave her an uneasy smile and pulled his hat back on his head, so a lock of reddish blond hair was visible.  “You and Curtis,” he said.

She sighed and he winced.

Landon took a deep breath.  “Time is short, Anna,” he said bluntly.  “The Gathering will be over before we know it.  I don’t want to waste either of our time by trespassing where I’m not welcome.”

She gave him a serious look.  “We’re friends, Landon.  You’re always welcome at my side.”

“Aye,” he agreed.  “Friends.  But that’s not what I’m talking about.  I like you, Anna.  A lot.  I want to see you, a lot.  But if you’re still involved with Curtis, then I don’t want to disrespect that commitment.”

Anna looked down at the ground.  “Curtis and I separated a year ago.”

“That’s what I hear,” he agreed.

She looked up at him.

He gave her a thin lipped smile.  “I’m not a young man, Anna.  I know how life works.  I have at least a rudimentary understanding of how the heart works.  He’s been your partner for the better part of your life.  You have children.  You run a camp together.  So I don’t have any naive expectation that he wouldn’t be a part of your life.”

She straightened the lacing on the end of her coat sleeve.

“But,” Landon said carefully, “I’ve seen how you look at him.”  He took a deep breath.  “I’d like to court you.  But not if your heart is still his.”

“I - “ she started to speak and then fell silent.  She bowed her head.  “I value your friendship a great deal,” she said quietly.  

He waited, silent.

She cleared her throat.  “Truthfully, I’m not sure what’s going on with Curtis right now.  I value you.  But I won’t ask you to wait for me.  And I won’t ask Curtis to wait for me.  I have a lot to figure out.  By myself.”

Landon nodded.  He looked disappointed, but resigned to her decision.  Together, they walked back to the Gathering tent.  Anna was relieved when she didn’t immediately see Tanya.  She did, however, immediately see Curtis.  He didn’t look pleased, but he didn’t make a scene.

 

* * *

 

Anna spent most of the evening in typical fashion.  She sat at Father’s side and listened to him spin yarns and hatch plans.  Tanya took a seat at her side and they declared a truce after several cups of mead.  Anna understood that while Tanya’s delivery left quite a bit to be desired, her heart was in the right place.  And Anna couldn’t deny the truth in Tanya’s words.  Anna did need to figure out what the hell she wanted and what the hell she was doing, before she damaged everyone irreparably.

In an interesting turn of events, a man from Serris camp introduced himself.  His name was Ronon and he seemed particularly interested in Tanya.  Anna enjoyed watching her friend’s obvious unease with the attention.  But it was also clear that Tanya, at the very least, found Ronon charming.  It was difficult not to.  He was slightly younger than Tanya, though that didn’t appear to be an impediment to Ronon.  He was tall, a good half head taller than Curtis, with shoulders like barn doors and a roguish smile.  His dark hair was braided and fell nearly to the middle of his back.  He had a heavy beard that was somewhat unkempt, and there was a scar that bisected his left eyebrow.  It should have made him less attractive.  It did not.

As the night wore on, they learned that Ronon’s partner had died two springs ago, leaving him with four young children.  Ronon was a blacksmith by trade, though he was handy and strong.  He claimed to be able to do just about anything.  Anna believed him.  There was a definite competence about him.

Eventually Tanya and Ronon took a walk across the tent to get a drink.  It was all very proper.  They didn’t so much as lay a finger on one another.  Anna expected no less from Tanya.  But they were talking a lot, and laughing.  Anna couldn’t remember the last time she saw Tanya laugh like that.  Ronon seemed to take pride in making her smile.

Anna was watching them when Curtis slid into the seat Tanya had vacated.  He leaned over, settling his arm along the back of her chair.  She sighed, and turned to look at him.  He met her gaze.  He looked bad.  His features were pinched and she could see his jaw muscles standing out, like he was grinding his teeth together.

The room was loud.  Father was bellowing to be heard, gesturing wildly with his good arm, occasionally splashing Anna with mead.  Curtis leaned in close and simply looked at her.  She started to say something and caught sight of his arm, resting along the back of her chair.  It was heavily bandaged.  

“What the hell did you do?” she demanded.

He sat back, frowning.  “It’s nothing.”

There was blood marring the bandages around his hand.  “It’s  _ not _ nothing, Curtis.  What happened.”

He sighed and then leaned in close so she could hear him.  “There were a bunch of us working on one of the skids for Camp Three.  Some of the blocking came loose.”  He shook his head.  “It could have been a lot worse.”

Anna knew him well enough to have a good idea at what he wasn’t saying.  There was an accident.  That maybe wasn’t an accident.  And he narrowly escaped being seriously injured.  She stood up.  “Come on.”

He didn’t even try to argue, he just followed her outside.  She stopped by the Homestead tent to grab her pack, and then went to the mixed gender bathhouse on the edge of camp.  It was steamy inside.  Unlike the women only bathhouse, this one was segregated into a dozen little stalls, each containing a tub.  There were sounds of laughing, conversation, and splashing.  Anna ignored it, shrugging out of her coat and hanging it on a peg by the door, and then removing her boots and socks.  She helped Curtis out of his coat, and boots as well.

They found an unoccupied stall and Anna pulled Curtis inside.  The tub was empty and she did not fill it with water.   Instead, she set a board across the tub and had Curtis sit down.  Carefully, she unwrapped the bandage, frowning.  “Who did this?” she asked him.

“Nam.”

Anna gave him a look, which he ignored.  Nam was great with engineering.  Not so much with medicine.

After some inspection, it was clear that the bandage wasn’t going to come off.  It was dried against the wound.  “We need to soak this.”  She stepped out of the stall and found a deep basin.  She also grabbed one of the heavy kettles of water heating on one of the many pellet stoves.  She washed her hands with some of the caustic soap near the kettles.  When she returned to the stall, she filled the basin with the water from the kettle and added salt and several of her antiseptic medicinal oils.  She set the basin on the floorboards and it didn’t take long for it to cool enough for Curtis to soak his hand.

While the bandage soaked, they talked.  “How did this happen?” she asked quietly.  She was more than a little worried that it had been sabotage.

Curtis rolled his eyes.  “It was my fault,” he said.  “I was distracted.”

That didn’t sound like him.  “By what?”

He snorted.  “You,” he said, giving her a meaningful look.  

She waited.

He sighed.  “I was thinking about the way you looked earlier when you were on top of me.”  His eyes seemed to darken and he didn’t look away.

Anna felt uncomfortably warm.  She wasn’t sure it had anything to do with the heat of the bathhouse.  Reaching out, Curtis twined his good hand in the material of her shirt and pulled her close.  She rested against him, ignoring the way her heart was hammering in her chest.

Slowly, his good hand moved to the buttons of her shirt, slowly releasing them until her shirt was completely open.  The vest she wore beneath was threadbare and transparent.  Curtis tugged the shirt back, so her left shoulder was bare.  He looked at her skin in the flickering candle light.  She knew what he was looking at.  The bruises, the teeth marks he’d left on her skin.  They were still achy.  Gently, he traced them with the edge of his index finger.  Then he trailed his hand down her chest, around the edge of her breast, circling her nipple through the thin material.  She shivered, but then stepped back abruptly.  

Shaking her head, she tugged her shirt closed.  “We’re not doing this right here, right now.”

He frowned, but didn’t argue.

Shaking her head again, she looked at his injured hand.  The bandage had soaked enough that she could gently work it away from the wound.  Once the bandage was off, she washed the wound clean and then pulled a candle close, inspecting it.  She winced.  It looked like his left hand had been smashed.  She supposed it was somewhat of a blessing, since he already had limited mobility in that hand from the time he’d tried to cut his damn arm off on the train.  But it looked awful.  She palpated the wound as best she could, without causing him too much pain.  As far as she could tell, no bones had been crushed.  That was a minor miracle.  But the flesh between his thumb and forefinger was torn all to hell.  It would never heal correctly on its own.  She suspected there had to be ligament and tendon damage.  His hand was a swollen mess.  “This is bad, Curtis.”  

He was tight lipped with pain, all flirtation gone, as she unpacked the rest of her supplies, including the needle and thread, several vials, and a syringe.  She took out a small tin of oily balm and smeared it around his ring finger before prying his ring off as gently as she could.

“Hey,” he said, trying to stop her.

“Quit,” she said, sharply.

He stopped.

She sighed.  “Your hand is swelling.  You need to take this ring off before it becomes part of the problem.”

He was distressed, she knew.  His brow was furrowed.  “Yeah, okay.  Just don’t - “

Frowning at him, she finally worked the ring free and then jammed it on her own thumb.  It didn’t fit. His fingers were much larger than hers.  But she’d damaged her knuckle on her right thumb quite badly a number of years ago and it was eternally swollen.  It would prevent the ring from falling off.

Placated, Curtis seemed to relax.  At least for a moment.  When he saw her reaching for the syringe, he turned his head.  She gave him numerous injections to numb his hand.  She knew they burned like hell, but he’d appreciate it in short order.

It didn’t take long before he was numb.  Anna was thankful she’d been able to barter for the medical supplies on the first day they arrived.  Camp Three had somehow come into possession of large stores of pharmaceutical supplies.  Anna didn’t even know what half of them were for.  But things she had taken for granted in her youth could absolutely mean the difference between life and death in the frozen world.

Curtis held the candle, though he didn’t watch as Anna did her best to clean the wound.  There was dirt and grime embedded in it.  She once again checked for broken bones, but didn’t find any.  Then she began to stitch him up.  She offered to go get one of the leather workers, but Curtis paled at the idea and told her to do it.  It wasn’t particularly neat work, but at least it was no longer a gaping wound.  She gave Curtis a shot of antibiotics and rewrapped the wound with sterile bandages.  She gave him something for the pain and handed him a flask of water, with instructions to drink all of it.

By the time she had cleaned up the mess in the stall, repacked all of her supplies, and helped Curtis on with his coat and shoes, before doing the same with her own, Anna was absolutely exhausted.  She and Curtis walked back to the Homestead tent in silence.  Snow was falling softly.  The noise from the Gathering tent was still considerable, but they both ignored it, instead, heading for their pallets.

Once again, Anna helped Curtis with his coat.  He didn’t bother to undress.  He just fell back on his pallet with a groan.  She gave him a dry laugh as she pulled his blanket up over him.  She looked down at him for a long moment.  In the darkness, he watched her.  Slowly, she pressed a gentle kiss against his cheek.

 

* * *

 

By the time Anna roused in the morning, nearly everyone was gone but Curtis.  She helped him up.  His hand was swollen and sore and truthfully still looked terrible.  He said it wasn’t too bad, that he thought he actually felt a little better than he had the previous night.  She gave him some anti inflammatories and another dose of antibiotics.  She changed the dressings on the wound and helped him pull on his boots and coat.  She told him to take it easy, though she knew him well enough to know he wouldn’t listen.

Anna didn’t have time to play nursemaid for Curtis.  She had promised to help Tanya with negotiating trades for goats and sheep they brought.  The animals were strong and healthy.  Several would make good breeding stock.  They should bring a fair price.  When Anna arrived at the livestock tent, she wasn’t surprised to see Ronon with Tanya.  They had all of their children with them as well, Tanya’s son, Timmy, and Ronon’s four children, his daughters, Mai, Akela, and Lani, and his son, Kai.  Ronon’s kids were all little hellions.  But they seemed to actually listen to Tanya.  That was a minor miracle.

The negotiations went well.  Anna and Tanya were both pleased.  Ronon looked impressed.  The kids were bored, but managed not to burn the tent down, so that was good.  Ronon and Tanya were going to take the kids over to the games, and they invited her along.  There were races and contests of strength.  So far Anna had avoided it.  It was meant for the young.

Anna declined the invitation and went back to the Homestead tent.  She couldn’t find one of her gloves.  And she also wanted to see if Curtis was there.  He wasn’t.  She hadn’t seen him as she’d been walking around camp either.  She had no idea where he was.  

She checked her pack and her pallet for her missing glove.  She couldn’t find it anywhere.  She’d already checked the Gathering tent and the mixed gender bathhouse.  That really only left one other place to check and she groaned.  Anna pulled her scarf tightly around her face and headed for the sea of little tents.  She and Curtis had used the same tent both times.  Luckily, it was unoccupied.  She sorted through the furs and found the glove.  She quickly put it on and ducked out of the tent.  She was hurrying back to the Gathering tent when she was nearly run into by a couple leaving one of the tents.

“Grace,” she said, staring at her daughter in shock.

Grace blinked at her.

Anna looked from her daughter to Devon, Hopper’s son.  Both of their cheeks were flushed.  And they looked guilty as hell.  Anna grabbed Grace’s arm and pulled her toward the Gathering tent.  Grace didn’t say anything.

Once they got to the tent, Anna pointed to an empty seat near Father.  Grace dutifully sat down.  Anna glanced at the entrance to the tent and saw Devon hovering.  When their eyes met, he immediately retreated.  Anna scanned the room for Curtis, she didn’t see him.

Anna finally took a seat next to Grace.  Anna tried to measure her words, but she was still fuming.  “Did you at least take precautions?”

Grace just stared straight ahead at the far wall.

“Jesus Christ,” Anna swore.  The absolute last thing Grace needed right now was a baby.  Anna stood up again.  “Stay here,” she snapped.  She turned and looked at Grey, who was sitting with Father as usual.  “Make sure she stays here and Hopper’s boy keeps his distance.”

Grey gave Grace a hard look and nodded to Anna.  Anna knew Grey would make sure her wishes were followed to the letter.  As she turned to leave, she saw Father look at Grace with a furrowed brow, drawing her into the circle of his arms.

* * *

 

It took Anna longer than she had expected, but it was done.  She made her way back to the Gathering tent.  Grace was still sitting there, next to Father, looking more sullen than ever.  Father was holding her hand.  Anna had no doubt that he’d given Grace all sorts of platitudes.  She knew he meant well, but Father was absolute shite at providing any sort of actual guidance in this sort of thing.  He’d left Anna completely on her own to muddle her way through her relationship with Curtis when she wasn’t much older than Grace.  Anna knew he wouldn’t be any help to Grace now.

As Anna approached, Grey met her eyes and gave her a nod of acknowledgement. 

“Come on,” she snapped to Grace.

Grace stood up.  Anna didn’t wait, she simply turned and headed out of the tent.

Grace followed, lagging behind.  Anna would have prefered to have the conversation quietly, but since Grace insisted on conducting herself like a child, trailing a good twenty feet behind, she shouted, “You’re going back to camp tomorrow, with Miko and Sam.”

“What?” Grace shouted.  She ran to catch up with Anna.  “No,” she said.  “I’m not going.”

“You are,” Anna said flatly, pushing her way past the flaps to the entrance of the Homestead tent.  “They leave at dawn.  You better be packed.”

“I am  _ not  _ going,” Grace yelled.

Anna ignored her, and made her way through the tent toward her pallet.  “You are,” she said.  “Or you can find a new camp.”

“Maybe I will,” Grace bellowed.  “Maybe I’ll leave Homestead and find a new camp.”

Anna was nearly at her pallet, but she spun and faced Grace.  Luckily it was only late afternoon and the tent was largely deserted.  The few people milling around were doing their best to be invisible.  “Try it,” Anna challenged.  “I know you think you’re grown, but try it.  Leave Homestead.  Leave everything and everyone you’ve ever known and move in with Hopper’s clan.  You can have a babe in your belly by fall.  And then you can birth and raise it while you raise all of Devon’s younger brothers and sisters, and all of his nieces and nephews.  You can fetch and carry and wait on other people in a family where you will always be an outsider, and you will always be  _ less _ .”

Grace’s eyes were shiny and her chin wobbled.  “You don’t know Devon.”

“I might not know Devon, but I know Hopper.  He keeps his camp afloat, but don’t you dare try and tell me that he doesn’t prefer his sons to his daughters.  I’ve seen how his camp is run.  The men lead, and the women clean.  And the women, who are not his daughters, are less than second class citizens.  They’re chattel.”

A tear threaded down Grace’s cheek.

Anna sighed, feeling deflated.  God, how could she possibly explain this to Grace in a way that she could understand.  Grace was so intent on doing things to spite Anna that she would throw away her own future in the process.

“You are loved, Grace,” Anna said vehemently.  “Your entire life, you have been surrounded by people who value your heart and mind.  You have been raised to think, to lead - not to give birth to a litter of little Hoppers.”

Grace sniffled loudly.  “You don’t know Devon,” she said again, like she was clinging to that one idea.

There was a groan and both Anna and Grace turned.  They saw Curtis, lying on his back on his pallet.  Anna knew at a glance that something was very wrong.  They both hurried over, crouching down next to him.  Anna tore off her gloves and touched his face.  “He’s burning up.”

Grace didn’t wait to be told, she immediately went to fetch Anna’s pack and a lantern.  Together they got Curtis out of his coat and shirt.  He was insensible, covered in sweat, mumbling.  Anna removed the binding from the wound and looked at his hand.  Oh my god, the smell.  Grace arched back, covering her nose and mouth with her hand.  “Do you want your oils?”

Anna shook her head.  “No,” she said.  She looked at Grace.  “Wait here.  Do not leave him for a minute.”

 

* * *

 

It had taken what felt like hours, though Anna knew it probably had been accomplished quickly.  There was a woman, Ruth, in Horizon camp.  She was a doctor - an actual, honest to god, trained medical professional, from before the world froze.  Under Ruth’s direction, they moved Curtis, on a stretcher, into Ruth’s surgery, deep in the warren of tunnels that constituted Horizon camp.  Anna hadn’t been into the camp proper in years.  The Gathering was focused entirely in the valley, away from the camp itself.

Ruth’s surgery was impressive.  Stainless steel surfaces, electricity to run the lights.  She had a lot of real medical supplies and it was clear she knew what she was doing.  Ruth was serious about sanitation.  Father, Grey, Grace, and Edgar were forced to wait outside.  Ruth had two assistants, and she allowed Anna to assist as well.  

Curtis was given fluids and stronger drugs.  Ruth re-opened the wound, cleaned it, and packed it.

When Ruth was finished, she took Anna aside.  “He’ll need to stay here for a few days.  Once he’s on the mend, we’ll close it.”  She looked at Curtis, frowning.  “Even if it does heal, I don’t know how much use he’s going to get out of that hand.”

Anna nodded.  She’d feared as much.  Curtis had too.  She cleared her throat, looking at Curtis, still on the table.  “Is he going to make it?“

“I gave him something to help him rest,” Ruth said.  “His fever is under control, but he’ll need intravenous medications at least through tomorrow.  How he makes it through the night will tell us a lot more about his recovery.”

Anna nodded, finding herself suddenly blinking back tears.  She clearly heard what Ruth wasn’t saying.   _ If _ Curtis lived through the night, he had a chance.  “Thank you.”

 

* * *

 

There was a room, just off Ruth’s surgery.  Ruth and her assistants moved Curtis.  He still had IVs.  Once they had him settled, Anna asked for a basin of water and a cloth.  She wiped Curtis down.  She startled at first, seeing the dark bruise on his neck.  Then she realized it was a lovebite, and she was the one who put it there.  She rolled her eyes, blinking back tears again.

As she continued her task, she finally looked at the little pouch Curtis wore on a cord around his neck.  She’d noticed it when they’d had sex, but she didn’t know what it was.  He hadn’t worn it before they’d broken up.  Curious, she pulled the little drawstrings and worked the pouch open.  She dumped the contents out into her palm.  It was a ring, and four little locks of hair.

Anna took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling.  She wiped impatiently at the tears on her cheeks.  “You sentimental idiot,” she swore.

Sniffling, she shoved the ring onto her own ring finger.  It fit perfectly, as it should have.  It was hers.  She looked at the locks of hair in turn.  Edgar, Michael, Grace.  There was even one lock from their boy who had been stillborn, Nicholas.  They hadn’t ever told anybody his name.

She was still crying silent tears as she put the little locks of hair back into the pouch and cinched it shut.  She looked at Curtis, oblivious to everything, fighting for his life because of some ridiculous accident.

“You had better not leave me,” she snapped.  “Not now.”

Curtis, predictably, did not respond.  With a sigh, Anna resumed the sponge bath.  Luckily her inspection didn’t turn up any more injuries.  Maybe it was just her imagination, but she felt like Curtis rested better after he was clean and cool.

Once she had Curtis settled, Anna spoke with Father, Edgar and Michael.  They were all very concerned about Curtis, but there was nothing any of them could do.  Anna was staying the night, and she was keeping Grace with her.  If Grace was happy she’d been given a reprieve from being sent home, she had the sense not to show it.  Grey informed everyone he was going to keep watch outside Curtis’s room.  No one argued.  It would be futile.

Anna and Grace made up pallets on the floor of Curtis’s room.  It was late when they finally doused the lights.  They had been lying there in the dark for a while when Anna heard Grace start to cry.  Taking a deep breath, she reached out and pulled Grace close.  Anna didn’t know precisely what the problem was, and she suspected Grace didn’t either.  The fear over Curtis’s health was more than enough all by itself.  But Anna suspected there was more to it than that.  Grace thought she was so grown up.  And today she may have learned that it wasn’t quite true.  

Also, Anna assumed that sex with a fifteen year old boy had to be disappointing.  How could it not be?

 

* * *

 

Anna woke to the sound of Curtis and Grace talking.  She rolled over and looked at them in the dim light.  Grace was curled up with Curtis in his bed, like she used to do when she was a little girl.  Anna waited, listening, making sure she wasn’t interrupting something sensitive.  But as far as she could tell, it was Grace complaining about an ongoing feud she had with Nykhor about where they needed to set traps, occasionally punctuated with grunts of acknowledgement from Curtis.

Anna pushed herself into a sitting position, and dragged her hand through her hair.  She got up, checked on Curtis’s fever - it was gone - and got him a glass of water.  She found one of Ruth’s assistants and they were able to disconnect Curtis from the IV line so he could take care of some pressing business.  The limited activity wiped him out, and Anna helped him get settled in bed again.

Once he was good, she excused herself.  Horizon camp had some truly impressive bathing facilities.  Anna took notes.  Homestead camp needed some upgrades.  She took a long, leisurely soak, allowing herself to relax for the first time in days.  

As she sat in the tub, she started crying, silently, with her hands pressed over her face.  She didn’t even know why she was crying.  For herself, for Curtis, for the way things were with Grace, for the fact that they’d all lived through the apocalypse and nothing would ever be okay again.

Anna wiped at her tears and splashed her face with water.  She’d been so miserable for so long.  And she’d taken it out on Curtis for so long.  Because she could.  Because he’d take it.  Because he took everything.   _ Fuck _ .

Anna dressed.  She ran into Ruth in the hallway, who had just seen Curtis and repacked his wound.  She said he was improving.  She still wanted him to stay another night, and she wanted him on the IV through the end of the day.  Ruth showed Anna to the cookfires, where Anna got hot water to make medicinal teas, one for Curtis, and one for Grace.  She took the mugs back to the room.

While she was gone, Michael and Edgar had arrived, and Grey had left.  Anna pressed the mug of tea into Grace’s hand and she took it without question.  Anna knew that Grace understood what it was for.  Anna directed Michael and Edgar to prop Curtis up so he could drink some of his tea.  He looked exhausted.  Anna shooed everyone out.  She made sure that Grace, Edgar and Michael all understood that Grace was supposed to stay with her brothers all day, or there would be hell to pay for all of them.

As soon as the room was empty, Curtis was asleep.  Anna check again to make sure he wasn’t feverish, and then she tried to find ways to make herself useful.  She helped Ruth with several patients, all from the Gathering.

In one of the rare moments when Ruth had no patients, she said to Anna, “I saw the tea you made your girl.”

Anna nodded.

“Does she have a problem?”

Anna sighed.  “Not yet.  Hopefully not at all, if the tea does its job.  It’s not her time.  But she’s young.”

“How many babes took for you?”

“Three,” Anna said.  “Michael, Grace, and then one that I lost late.  No others took after that.”

Ruth nodded.  “If the time does come, and she needs help.  You know where I am.”

“I appreciate that.”

 

* * *

 

It was evening when Ruth and Anna checked on Curtis again.  He didn’t have a fever and he woke easily.  Ruth removed the IV and told them she’d close the wound the next day as long as it continued to heal.  Even without it being closed, it looked so much better than it had.  The skin had a good color and the swelling had gone down a lot.

The kids came back to check on Curtis, and they brought food.  Curtis had an appetite and ate a decent amount.  While he was talking to Michael and Edgar, Anna took Grace to the cookfires.  She made another cup of tea for her and they sat for a while.

“How are you?” Anna asked.

Grace nodded, tight lipped.

“Grace, I don’t want you to leave Homestead.”

“I don’t want to leave either,” Grace said, looking up at Anna.  She sighed, wrapping her hands around the mug.  “It wasn’t like I thought it would be.”

Anna nodded.  “It rarely is, especially at your age.”

Grace huffed out a sharp breath and pursed her lips together.  “Devon isn’t like you say.  He isn’t like his dad.”

“But you’re upset,” Anna said.

“It's not that.  It’s just ...”  Grace frowned into her tea.  “Nevermind.  Forget I said anything.”

Anna didn’t push for more conversation.  It wasn’t going to lead anywhere positive.  When Grace was finished with her tea, they went back to Curtis’s room.  He was in good spirits, and his color looked much better.  But he needed rest.   She shooed her children out for the night.

“You’re staying with Da again?” Edgar asked.

“Yes,” Anna said, in a tone that did not invite him to ask questions.  “And you’re to keep an eye on Grace.  Keep her with you.”  Edgar started to sigh and Anna poked him hard in the ribs.  “You heard me, Edgar.”

He winced, rubbing his side.  “Yes, ma’am.”

When the kids were gone, Anna sat on the edge of Curtis’s bed.  He immediately wrapped his good arm around her waist.

“What’s going on with Grace?” he asked.

“She had sex with Hopper’s boy.”

Curtis groaned.

“I think she regrets it,” Anna said dryly.  “That’s something at least.  Hopefully that’s all she gets out of the encounter.”

Curtis was quiet for a long time.  “Do you regret it?”

Anna looked at him in question.

“Sleeping with me.  When we were kids.”

Anna rolled her eyes.  “We weren’t as young as Grace.”

“We weren’t much older,” Curtis pointed out.  He took a deep breath.  “And then Michael happened.”

She looked at him, studying his features.  “I don’t regret our life together if that’s what you’re asking,” she said.  “It wasn’t a thirty second flier in one of the sex tents.”

Curtis snorted.  “As much as I like to give myself credit, I doubt it was much more than that.”

Anna gave him a half-hearted shove.  “That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

She looked at him, but he just seemed confused, his brow furrowed and a frown on his lips.  “I really don’t,” he said quietly.  “I’ve never known what you mean, or what you want.  All I’ve ever known is that I love you, and I want you to be as happy as you can be.”

She watched him carefully.  She’d always known she was the one who set the terms of their relationship in the beginning.  And she knew that he was overstating things, at least somewhat.  He may not have known her intentions precisely.  But he hadn’t been left completely in the dark.  At least, she hoped not.  “I loved you,” she said, hating that he might have doubted that.  “I always loved you.”

His good hand rested on her hip, rubbing small circles.  “And now?”

She looked away.

“You left me, Anna.  It’s been a year.  And I still don’t know why.”

She looked up at the ceiling, blinking quickly, trying to ward off tears.  “Because it seemed better than dying.”

“Those were your choices?” he asked.  “Stay with me, or die?”  He looked so hurt, so gutted.  

“It wasn’t staying with you that was killing me, Curtis.  It was staying in my life, pretending everything was okay.”  She shook her head.  “I didn’t know what else to do.  I had to change something.  Our relationship had to give.  You were the one who got screwed.  I’m sorry.”

He took a deep breath and waited.  “And now?”

She shrugged.  “I’m in a different place.”

“You want someone again,” he said.  It wasn’t a question.  

“Not just someone.”

“You’ve been talking to Landon a lot.  I know he wants you.”

“Landon wants a partner.  But yes,” she said, “I’ve been  _ talking _ to him.  And I’ve been  _ fucking _ you.  I know you say I don’t explain things, but I don’t feel like the math is particularly difficult here.”

“You kissed that boy.”

“And you probably kissed Fisher.”  He didn’t deny it.  She narrowed her eyes at him.  “You better not have done anything else with - “

“I didn’t,” he said, cutting across her.  His arm around her waist tightened.  “Not for lack of invitation,” he muttered.

She pinched his nipple through his shirt and he yelped.  He caught her wrist and pulled her close.  They looked at each other, nearly nose to nose, both of them breathing hard.  Then he tilted his head and gave her a soft kiss.  She waited several heartbeats before returning it, but finally melted into it.  When she finally sat back, she was breathing too fast.

“I had a hell of a lot of fun with the sex tents,” he said seriously, “but a hot quickie here and there isn’t enough.  I want you to come home, Anna.”

She took a deep breath and nodded.  “Okay.”

He looked stunned.  “Okay?”

She held up her left hand, showing him that she was wearing both her ring, and his ring.  “Yeah,” she said.  “All right.  I’ll come home.  What else do you want me to say?”

He opened his mouth and then shut it again.  He seemed unable to believe she’d acquiesced so easily.  He tugged at her, urging to lay against him in the bed.   She lay on her side, one of her legs across his, her arm across his chest.  She closed her eyes and just enjoyed the feel of him against her.  She had missed him so much.  And while the time in the sex tents had been good, it hadn’t been  _ this _ .  It hadn’t been the intimacy of just being with him.

The candle flickered out from the draft and they kept talking.  Anna got up long enough to consolidate both their blankets on Curtis’s bed.  She wasn’t going to sleep on a pallet on the floor, not when there was a perfectly good bed available.  They talked for a long time.  They had quite the backlog of conversation topics, considering they hadn’t been exactly civil for the last year.  It was a relief to share all the hurts and joys that she’d kept to herself for so long, and to hear his in return.  She wondered if it was weak, going back to him.  Was she simply not strong enough to figure out who she was without him?  She honestly didn’t know.  And at this point, she didn’t care.  Curtis had been a part of her life longer than not.  She felt home and whole with him.

As they talked, Curtis ducked his head and stole a kiss here and there.  The longer they talked, the more frequent his kisses, until the only sounds they were making were the kisses.  Curtis’s good hand wandered and it was clear what he wanted.

“You were on an IV an hour ago,” she admonished, trying to push his hand away.

His tone was dismissive and his hand settled on her ass.  “I’m feeling better.”

“Jesus Christ,” she cursed, frustrated, but also turned on.

“A year, Anna,” he said meaningfully, squeezing her ass.  “You were gone a  _ year _ .”

“We had sex the day before yesterday,” she reminded him.

He stopped trying to argue and just hoisted her up across his chest with his good arm.  She wanted to chide him about how he needed to rest, but truthfully, she wanted to get laid as much as he did.  She scrambled out of her trousers and kicked them away.  Then she unbuttoned his trousers and shoved them down his hips with one hand, while stroking him gently with the other.  He groaned her name, his hand kneading her thigh.

Slowly, she sank down onto him, her breath hissing through her teeth.  His hand slipped under her shirt, finding her breast, cupping it, his thumb flicking over her nipple.  She rode him slowly, sliding her finger along either side of her clit, in time with her movements.  Normally Curtis would see to that, but normally he had two hands.  As it was, his one hand was trying to make up for the fact that he couldn’t see.  He was running it over her body.  When he realized that she was touching herself, his breath caught and then he cursed to himself.  His hand found her hip, his fingers digging into the muscle there as he urged her to move faster.

She planted one hand in the middle of his chest for balance and then moved on him more quickly.  Her thighs were shaking and she was so close.  Her hips faltered as she concentrated on her fingers against her clit.  She slammed herself down against him, rubbing herself harder, faster.  She wanted him inside her when she came.   She bit back a cry as her released washed over her.

She stayed as she was for a moment, braced against Curtis, catching her breath.  

“Holy fucking shit, Anna,” he cursed.

She let out a sharp chuckle and started to move on him again.  He didn’t say anything more.  She knew he was close and it didn’t take long until his breath was hissing through his teeth as his body corded beneath her.

She slumped forward on him, pressing her nose against his neck.  He made a contented noise and his hand was under her shirt, tracing up and down her back.

Anna reached up and pulled the tie out of his hair, sending it cascading into his face.  

He sputtered and had to extract his hand in order to wipe his hair out of the way.  “What was that for?”

“I hate your man bun.”

“I know,” he said, sounding smug.  “That’s why I grew it.”

She pinched him in the side.

After a few minutes, the novelty of post-coital cuddling waned.  Anna got up and found a towel and a basin of water.  She cleaned herself up, and Curtis, and then rearranged all the bedcovers, before finally curling up with him again.

She sighed.  “I forgot how hot you are.”

“It’s a burden,” he said meaningfully.  “I’ve been working out a lot.”

She groaned.  “Scoot over.  You’re hot.  I’m sweating.”

Curtis finally moved over and after some negotiating elbow and knee placement, they settled.  Anna wasn’t sure if it was comforting or disturbing how easy it was to sleep next to him after so long apart.  She didn’t have long to question it before she drifted off to sleep.

 

* * *

 

When Anna opened her eyes, Curtis was already awake.  She was curled against him, her head resting on his shoulder and he was watching her, his expression unreadable.  She pushed herself up on her elbow and looked at him.  “Good morning.”

He nodded, and then tugged her toward him.  He kissed her softly, but possessively.  

Anna finally pulled back.  She tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear.  “You’re worried I changed my mind.”

He frowned, but didn’t say anything.

“I didn’t,” she said.  “I want to come home.  If that’s what you still want.”

“It is,” he said seriously.

She nodded.  “Then it’s settled.”

 

* * *

 

“How did you manage to fuck up your hand?” Edgar asked.

“Mind your own goddamn business,” Curtis snapped.

Edgar grinned.  “You were doing something stupid weren’t you?”

Anna smacked Edgar in the back of the head.  “Yes, he was.  You take after your father in that respect.  Now go get me that hide like I asked.”

Edgar groused, rubbing the back of his head.  They were all finally back at the Homestead tent.  Ruth had closed Curtis’s wound that morning, and sent a bottle of stronger antibiotics than the ones Anna had.  Curtis still needed a decent sling, which was why Anna needed the animal hide.  

Anna was sorting through thread and needles when Edgar returned with the hide.  Behind him was Doyle, one of the leatherworkers.  And behind Doyle, was Devon, Hopper’s son.  Doyle motioned toward Devon.  “My apprentice.”

Anna arched an eyebrow and looked at Grace, who did not appear to be surprised.  She knew about this.  If Devon was Doyle’s new apprentice, it meant that when the Gathering was over, Devon would be going to Homestead camp with them, rather than returning to his father’s camp.  This was an interesting development.  As far as Anna knew, none of Hopper’s sons had ever left his camp.

“Thought maybe you could use some help,” Doyle said.

“You doubt my skill?” Anna asked wryly.

“We all have gifts,” Doyle said carefully.

“Indeed,” Anna replied.  “And this is not one of mine.  By all means, please.”

Anna moved out of the way, to make room for Doyle and Devon.  She started toward the entrance of the tent, but Curtis reached out with his good hand and caught her.  He urged her to take a seat with him and she did.  

She knew that Michael and Edgar were watching her and Curtis, but neither of them said anything.  They did look at Grace though, who looked somewhat vindicated.  Anna half expected her to yell, “ _ I told you so _ ,” at her brothers.

Doyle was an expert craftsman, and accustomed to working on short timelines.  He had Curtis in a sling in fairly short order.  Still, it took longer than Michael and Edgar were willing to wait.  The novelty of seeing their parents being civil, and possibly flirty, wasn’t enough to hold their attention.  They both left.  Grace stayed, though Anna knew that was because of Devon, rather than any solidarity with her parents.

Anna tried to compensate Doyle for the work, but he wouldn’t take it.  She thanked him.  He set off and Devon followed, though it was clear he would have rather stayed with Grace.  Choosing to ignore her daughter’s sullen mood, Anna helped Curtis into his coat and they all headed to the Gathering tent.

 

* * *

 

The day was thankfully uneventful.  The bartering was going well.  Matches were being made.  Tanya and Ronon appeared to be getting along very well.  Grey said that Ronon had asked about accommodations in Homestead camp for him and his children.  Apparently Ronon was a blacksmith by trade.  That was always a useful skill.  And he was a strong guy.  Provided Tanya wasn’t opposed, he would make a good addition to Homestead.

Anna stayed close to Curtis, making sure he was resting.  Left to his own devices, she knew he would push himself too hard.  As long as she was at his side, he seemed content to sit near one of the fires and tell stories with the other old farts.  Anna knew that the fact that Curtis kept his good arm wrapped around her had been noticed.  

It was finally Edgar who asked.  He’d obviously been sampling Juke’s wares.  He nodded his head toward Curtis and Anna.  “So you two back together, eh?  I’m no longer from a broken home?”

“Yes,” Curtis replied, tightening his grip on Anna.

Edgar’s expression pinched.  “Yeah?  That’s all?  More than a year apart and that’s all you’ve got to say?”

“That’s all you need to know,” Curtis said with finality.

Edgar nodded and didn’t push.  Between Curtis and Anna, Curtis was the far more lenient parent.  But it was also clear when a line couldn’t be pushed with him.  And this was one of those times.

Shrugging, Edgar got to his feet and wandered back to where Nykhor and her sister Ajak were packing the items they’d traded for that day into crates.  Edgar would haul them back to the camp tent.

Anna caught sight of Fisher.  She felt Curtis stiffen next to her and knew he had as well.  He turned to look at her.  “I have to talk to her.”

Anna nodded, but couldn’t prevent the frown.

She didn’t watch as he approached Fisher.  It wasn’t like she would make a scene.  While people knew that Curtis and Fisher had shared a flirtation, Anna also knew that in most people’s minds, Curtis was still her mate.  Fisher had no claim on him, and she wouldn’t dare embarrass herself in public by pretending that she did.

It was at least half an hour before Curtis returned.  Anna looked him over.  His eyes were shiny and what was visible of his left cheek was red with more than the cold.  “How’d she take it?”

He reached out and took a drink of ale.  “About as well as you’d expect.”

Anna could still make out some of the handprint on his cheek.  She sighed.  It wasn’t that she didn’t understand the impetus.  She’d punched Curtis in the face a few times herself over the years.  But she leaned over and kissed him.

“Thanks,” he said, frowning.

 

* * *

 

It was late, as usual, when they finally made it back to the Homestead tent.  Ruth had stopped by their fire at the Gathering tent to check Curtis’s hand.  She said it was healing better than she expected.  Anna was relieved.  Typically, if anything could go wrong for them, it did.  She would be happy to skip that curse this one time.

As everyone bedded down in the Homestead tent, Anna pushed her pallet and Curtis’s together, spreading the blankets over both.  Curtis was tired, she knew, and in a good deal of pain.  She gave him something to help him sleep and he lay down without so much as a word.  When Anna finally had everything settled and climbed under the covers, Curtis immediately wrapped his arm around her waist and buried his face at the nape of her neck.  He was asleep in moments.

 

* * *

 

The next couple of days were spent finalizing agreements of every possible type; bartering, marriages, and truces.  Homestead camp was in good shape.  They had seeds for next season, as well as most of the livestock they needed.  

Devon, much to both Anna and Curtis’s surprise, was still apprenticed to Doyle, and still planning on moving to Homestead camp.  Anna heard the gossip that Hopper’s rage, when he learned of Devon’s plan, had been incandescent.  None of his boys had ever left.  But Devon seemed committed.  Anna hated to admit it, but she was starting to like the kid.

Curtis’s hand was improving, quicker than Anna would have expected.  It was still very sore, but it seemed to be healing well.  It was still too early to tell how much range of motion he might get back, but Anna was hopeful.

The morning of the final feast dawned bright and bitterly cold.  Anna’s nose was numb and she could see how her breath had frosted the blankets.  But beneath the layers, she was toasty warm, curled against Curtis, and she shivered with delight.  She had forgotten this, the simple pleasure of physical companionship.  She was calmer at Curtis’s side, more settled.  He was as well.  She understood it was simple pair bonding.  But having been so long without it, it seemed rather magical.

It wasn’t long before everyone started stirring.  Curtis groaned, burrowing under the covers.  Anna rolled over, and he pulled her close, wrapping his arm around her.

“What time will we head out tomorrow?” she asked.

He sighed.  “Not too early.  Everyone will be hung over from the final feast.  And it’ll be slow going, with everything we’re taking back. Best to take our time and be careful about it.”

“Will you be sad to go?”

“Fuck no,” he said, chuckling darkly.  “I mean, it’s been fun.  Well, the sex tents were fun.  Nearly losing my hand wasn’t.  I’m ready to go home.”

“Me too,” she said meaningfully.

He looked at her, studying her features, as if looking for any hint of reluctance.  She met his gaze evenly, watching as he frowned, his brows puckering together.

“I always loved you, Curtis,” she said quietly.  “Even when I didn’t want to live with you.”

She rolled over and pushed herself up into a sitting position.  She pulled on two shirts and a sweater, and then pulled on another pair of pants.  She knew Curtis was still laying there, watching her.  

He was still under the blankets when she left.  It wasn’t the time or the place for a more in depth discussion anyway.  And it turned out that the day conspired to keep her and Curtis apart.  Anna did nothing but run from one metaphorical fire to the next, trying to negotiate last minute agreements of every possible configuration.  By the time she finally headed back to the Homestead camp tent, the final feast was already well under way.  She had just enough time to wash her face and brush her hair before she went to join her family.

The gathering tent was at absolute capacity.  It was the fullest it had been for the entire Gathering.  Everyone was in attendance, save for the unlucky few left back at the tents guarding supplies.  It took Anna nearly half an hour to find Curtis and Father.  Luckily, they had Grace with them - apparently Devon was spending a final evening with his father, but he would be off with Homestead camp tomorrow.

Anna quickly discovered that none of her family had eaten, so she took Grace and they went and got food for the four of them.  As Anna sat down to share a chair with Curtis, he looked over at her and frowned.  

“What?” she said, around a bit of stew.  She was starving.

He shrugged.  “I saw you brought your red dress,” he said quietly.  “I thought you might wear it.”

She arched an eyebrow at him.  “You’re not exactly in dancing shape.”

“Well ... no,” he admitted.  “But you could dance.”

She leaned in close and looked at him seriously.  “Curtis, the point of that dress is to be danced with by a man who is going to take me back to the tent and fuck me like his life depends on it.”

He blinked slowly.  “ _ Oh _ .”  

She pursed her lips together and turned away.

In her peripheral vision, she could see him take a bite of stew, staring off into the middle distance, chewing slowly.  He swallowed, and then looked at her. “I mean, I could  - “

She held up a hand, cutting him off.  “Eat your stew.  We’re not putting on a show tonight for anyone.  We will have plenty of opportunities once we get home.”

He frowned, but she knew she’d won the argument.  For the next while, there was no conversation as they all ate.  

When the gnawing hunger in Anna’s gut was finally gone, she paused and glanced sidelong at Curtis.  Frowning, she pulled back and looked at him.  “Did you trim your beard?”

He smiled.  “Yeah.”  He reached up and pulled his stocking hat off his head and her jaw actually dropped.  He had trimmed his beard.  But he’d cut his hair as well.  Short.  It was buzzed nearly to the skull.  It accentuated his impressive bone structure, and made his eyes seem even more intensely blue.

It was a very,  _ very _ good look on him.

Anna stood up, and then grabbed the front of Curtis’s coat and pulled him to his feet.  “On second thought.”  She looked at Grace.  “Stay with your grandfather,” she warned, but she didn’t look back as she dragged Curtis toward the tent entrance.

Homestead camp was deserted, with the exception of three young men who had been left behind to keep an eye on things.  And they were all outside, walking the tent perimeter and keeping an eye on the corrals.  Inside the tent, no one was there, except Curtis and Anna.

Their kisses were frantic as they fought to get out of the multitudes of layers.  Curtis got his sling off and all of his shirts and sweaters, leaving him in only a pair of heavy jeans.  Anna had managed to kick away her boots, pants, and long johns, but she was still wearing several shirts and a sweater.

Anna bit down on Curtis’s bottom lip, at the same time, undoing the fly of his pants and reaching inside, stroking him roughly.  He shivered, his hips arching up against her, following the contact.  Together, and somewhat carefully, because of Curtis’s hand, they finally made it to their pallet.  Curtis was on his back, pulling Anna over him with his good hand.

She didn’t waste any time, sinking down on him, groaning.  She leaned over him, kissing him hard, scraping her nails through the short stubble on his head.

He smiled against her lips.  “Guess you like the haircut.”

She braced her hands against his chest and pushed herself into a sitting position.  Slowly, she lifted herself off him, and then lowered herself back down.  His breath hissed through his teeth.  There was no more playful banter, both of them were focused on mutual satisfaction.  With his good hand, Curtis used the pad of his thumb to rub her as she rose and fell on him.

“Fuck, Anna, yes,” he said, digging his heels into the pallet, using the leverage to move his hips up against her.  She whimpered, riding him faster.  And then she was crying out, shivering over him.

Curtis rolled them over, covering her body with his own.  His mouth was hot and wet against her neck as his hips rocked languidly against her.  She tightened around him, and dug her fingernails into the small of his back.  His breath caught and his body went taut.

They managed to sort out the covers, and they were laying on their sides, chest to chest, drowsing.

“We need to go back to the feast,” Anna said.

Curtis grunted noncommittally.

 

* * *

 

It was morning when Anna woke again.  She was relieved to look over and see Grace asleep on her own pallet.  Dragging a hand through her hair and scraping it back out of her face, Anna nudged Curtis.  “Come on,” she said.  “We need to head home.”

 

* * *

 

 

**SIX MONTHS LATER**

 

“You heard me,” Tanya snapped.

Kai dropped the bag of preserved meat and put his hands behind his back, features tight.

“Pick it up and put it back,” Tanya said to the eight year old, pointing from the bag to the cupboard.

Frowning, Kai did as he was told.  Anna was certain that the only human on the planet that Ronon’s children feared was Tanya.  Those kids were hellions, and Ronon was hopeless at trying to control them.  Luckily, Tanya had a tighter rein on things than her husband.

Tanya watched Kai until he had done as he was told, and then she shooed him out of their quarters.  She and Ronon had married nearly five months earlier, and moved into one of the larger family quarters in Homestead camp.  By all accounts, it was both a love match, and a very fortuitous arrangement for both of them.

“Tanya,” Anna pled, “please, just have Ronon tone it down a little.”

Tanya arched an eyebrow at her.  “Tone what down?”

Anna sighed.  “Everything.  He’s just ... “  She gestured vaguely with her hands, and then gave up.  “He’s larger than life, Tanya.  And Curtis isn’t.  Please, just ask him to be slightly more human.  Ask him to pretend to pull a muscle or something.”

Tanya shook her head.  “No ma’am, I cannot do that.”

“Tanya, please,” Anna said, laying her head down on the table with an audible thunk.  “Curtis is in decent shape for a man his age, but he’s going to kill himself trying to keep up with Ronon.”

Tanya laughed.  “I know.”

Anna frowned at her.  “It’s not funny.”

“No,” Tanya agreed, her expression sober.  But then her features took on a rather dreamy look.  “But Ronon certainly is an incredible specimen of a man.”

“Jesus,” Anna swore.  “Look, I’m thrilled for you and your demigod of a husband.  It’s just that I’d like it if Curtis didn’t die trying to keep up with Ronon.”

Tanya looked contrite again, this time more believably.  “I’ll say something to Ro.”

“Thank you,” Anna said gratefully

“I’m not making any promises,” Tanya advised.  

“I know,” Anna said.  “But I appreciate any influence you can exert.”

Tanya smiled and nodded.

 

* * *

 

When Anna pushed through the door into her quarters, she knew she’d stepped into the middle of a lover’s quarrel.  Devon seemed relieved.  He gave her a tight smile and nodded deferentially at her before quickly leaving.  Grace, on the other hand, crossed her arms over her chest, turned and huffed away to her room.

Anna didn’t even bother asking.  She already had a good idea why they were fighting.  She knew damn well that Grace was pushing Devon to make their relationship more physical.  And while Anna was certain that Devon wanted to, he also had far more self-control and ability to plan long term than Grace did.  Devon and Grace both knew they’d dodged a bullet with their impulsive behavior at the Gathering.  And Devon, at least, didn’t seem to want a repeat of that.  Anna also knew he was trying to save up enough to make a proper request for Grace’s hand in marriage.  

Anna hoped that would take several years - a decade would probably be best.  Maybe it would give Grace time to mature, though that was probably being overly optimistic.

Anna checked the time and then yelled at Grace.  “Are you going to Andrew’s with me?”

There was an inaudible reply.  Anna ignored it, and reminded herself that one day Grace would actually grow up and become a human again.  She just had to wait her out.

* * *

 

Andrew’s “party”, such as it was, to celebrate his first batch of what he was calling vodka.  Anna was just praying no one went blind.  At least he hadn’t blown up the still this time.  His left eyebrow still hadn’t recovered from the last time.

Everyone in Homestead was invited, and there was a decent turnout, especially among the elder camp occupants, people who were peers of Anna, Curtis, and Andrew.  Grace was nowhere to be seen.  Neither was Devon.  Anna tried not to think about it.  

Curtis was also running late.  There had been an issue with some of the ventilation shafts on the far side of the camp, so he’d had a crew working on them for most of the week.  She hadn’t seen much of him for days, but he had promised her, when he was running out the door that morning, that he would make it to Andrew’s party.

As the evening wore on, more people filtered in.  Anna sampled a tiny bit of Andrew’s vodka.  Once she could breathe again, she made a mental note to test it later and see if she could use it to dissolve some of the corrosion on some pipe fittings she’d been chipping away at for weeks.  Thankfully, Arjun had brought several casks of mead, which was far more palatable.  

Tanya and Ronon showed up and Anna spent a lot of time talking with them.  Just when Anna was giving up on Curtis, she looked across the room and saw him.  He was an incredibly appealing sight, and not only because Curtis’s literal arms race with Ronon meant that he was in the best shape of his life.  He must have bartered with Hask to trim his hair again, and he’d bathed and changed clothes.  He was looking very good.

Curtis accepted a small shot of Andrew’s vodka, swirling it skeptically in the bottom of his mug as he and joined Anna, Tanya and Ronon.  Curtis’s arm went around Anna’s shoulders and she put her hand on his thigh.  Everyone watched as Curtis took the shot of vodka.  Anna clapped him on the back as he coughed, and then handed him a handkerchief to wipe his watering eyes.

“Jesus Christ,” Curtis swore.  He looked at his mug.  “I wonder if we could use it as welding fuel.”

Ronon nodded.  “I was thinking the same thing.”

There were a number of adept musicians who started to play and before long, people were dancing.  If you could call it that.  Depending on how much vodka they’d consumed, they were just stumbling around groping one another.

Curtis’s hand had healed in the months since they’d come home.  It would never be like it was before the accident.  But he’d regained a lot of his range of motion.  Enough now, that his hand was venturing into dangerous territory along the hem of Anna’s dress.  She was pretending to ignore him, but he started stealing kisses.  Luckily, Tanya and Ronon were too wrapped up in each other to notice.

Finally, Curtis stood up, pulling Anna to her feet.

She looked up at him.  “What?”

“Come on,” he said, pulling her toward the dancers.

She balked, but he just smiled and tugged her hand again.  “You’re wearing your red dress.”

She laughed and let him pull her out into the throng of dancers.  The music was blessedly slow - and slightly out of tune.  Curtis pulled her close.  She set her hands on his shoulders, smiling.  He smelled good too.  He’d gone all out for this.  His hand found her ass and urged her hips against his.  

She laughed.  “Miss me?”

He ducked his head and kissed her neck.  “Always.”

It was a patently absurd statement.  They slept next to each other every night.  But it still made her heart beat faster.  They danced for several songs, swaying to the music, touching, kissing.  Finally Curtis had enough.  He leaned down, his lips brushing the shell of her ear.  “Let’s go home.”

 

END STORY


End file.
